It's our show now
by Sparkopilite
Summary: Rachel and Kurt promised they would be famous. Why would the end of the world stop them? Loosely based on the Doomsday film.


**AN - This is based off the movie Doomsday. Totally took poetic license and I recommend that people go watch it. I have zero profits or ownership of glee or doomsday.**

Kurt sighed, with this business of strangers from over the walls he knows that the state of his dancers shouldn't be a concern. However they have just gotten so fat. It irks him as it is only his boys that have gotten fat, he knew letting them wear singlet's was the start of a slippery descent to poor image but they had already lost their impressive physique. Kurt takes a drink of the foulest whiskey ever and grimaces, why haven't Rachel's pole dancers gotten fat? It's just not fair. He stands and runs his hand through his mohawk making a mental note to re-grease it on his way to interrogate the prisoner. From what little Rachel told him this Major Lopez won't be easily scared, anyone that simply surrenders to 'savages' to protect their man deserves a little showmanship. He shrugs off his overcoat and rubs the red tattoo that peeks over his shoulders. Time to go meet the prisoner.

_19 years earlier..._

_Kurt was happy today. His best friend Rachel was coming over today, it had been three days since he had last seen her he hated that his school was shut because of the cough everyone was getting. Today they were going to play singers, it was their favourite game and when they grew up they were going to be stars on London's West End. He knew it was true because they pinky swore two years ago on the first day of primary school. Rachel was ushered into the room. _

_"Hi Rach, what do you want to sing today? My dad is busy so he can't judge our competitions but we could do a duet maybe?" He stops smiling when Rachel doesn't respond instantly like she normally does. "Rachel?"_

_"There is scary men with guns on the roads Kurt. I'm scared." He looks at her confused, maybe this is one of her acting games. Normally she gives him a few hints but this could be improv right? He shrinks his posture down to match her scared one._

_"Shall we hide then?" Seven year old Kurt is proud of the fake quaver in his voice, he is going to be a great actor when he grows up._

_"Yes." Two things tell Kurt it isn't a game. The tears running down Rachel's face and the gunshots from outside._

_By the time the riots reach Kurt's house the two children are well hidden. They are in a tight crawl space with a dim torch. Rachel has stopped crying but she can't stop shaking silently. Kurt can hear the men in the house, they are looting and smashing everything. He grabs Rachel's hand,_

_"I'll protect you forever, don't worry." She tenses and squeezes his hand back._

_"I will watch your back Kurt. Together forever, pinky promise." _

_Somehow they manage to hug in their dark safe hole. Even with the screaming in the street they eventually fall asleep._

_They sneak out in the dark to steal cans of fruit. Rachel finds their first dead body in the hallway of Kurt's house. It is a man covered in boils with blood around his mouth. She can't see any injuries but she can't help it, she screams. Kurt is at her side in a second. He covers her mouth with one hand and pulls her into the shadows._

_"Shh, we aren't the only ones here." She turns and hides in his body. Turns out he is right, but the gang of men aren't interested in two crying children. They get kicked and their food is stolen but they are left relatively unscathed. It's a valuable lesson. Don't be seen._

_Four years later at age eleven, it's Kurt that fucks up. He drops his screwdriver when they are crawling through the vents of an old warehouse. He and Rachel are going for more fruit. They have learnt from painful experience that canned fruit and vegetables is about the only safe thing to eat. It is only partially spoiled, fresh food is just a distant memory. They could eat meat like the gangs, except they can't catch animals, they can't butcher what they catch and Rachel wouldn't eat it anyway. One of the last things her Dad's taught her is that animals are special and she should never eat them or their products. She calls it vegan, he calls it crazy. Whatever it is, it is a huge reason as to why there are hands pulling him out of the duct. It is only one man, so maybe Rachel will get away. It's pure luck that brought them this far anyway. He sees the ground rushing up before nothing._

_He wakes up with screaming, crazily it's not Rachel that is screaming it's the dirty man that caught him. She is stabbing him over and over with the screwdriver they use to break into places. The man had a knife, Rachel uses it to free Kurt with shaking hands. She pushes it into his hand and vomits in the corner while he watches the door._

_That night they manage to eat their fill. They hunt around and find the man was alone with good locks on the door, the only reason they bypassed his security was due to their slight size fitting through obsolete air vents. After the traumatic day they pass out on a filthy mattress, forgetting to take turns on watch._

_"We should be scary. Then we could have a bed every night." Rachel is looking better this morning. She is looking excited._

_"I don't know. We are small. We have no weapons, if we stuff up we die. Like one stuff up and dead." Kurt is unsure, they have nothing but one night's sleep to back them. But then that means they have nothing to lose._

_"Can we start small?"_

_Rachel grins, "We can start small."_

_At seventeen they run a youth gang. Kurt and Rachel had learnt to work as a team, Kurt developed a mean right hook and Rachel got good with a shank to the kidneys. Between them they butchered their way to the top of a small gang which had brought them to the newest problem in their lives. Territory disputes._

_"We need space, we need to send a message not to fuck with us." Rachel is spinning on an old office chair running a hand though her greasy, greasy hair._

_"We can't deal with a full out turf war." Kurt is eating the silver beet his boys brought him this morning. Being in charge has definite perks when it comes to food._

_"But can we defend right?" She is thinking hard._

_"Maybe, what are you thinking?"_

_"If we can kill their leader brutally enough, they will have to attack us here or lose face which will give us their territory anyway." She grins with a feral glint in her eye. "I got this."_

_They sneak into the Snakes compound on a pitch black night, just the two of them like it should be. Rachel slits a few throats giggling silently, Kurt rolls his eyes, _

_"Leave some for the siege, to spread stories and fear Rach."_

_When they get to the middle Kurt smacks St James out cold while the girl next to him lies sleeping. Kurt throws the curly haired boy over his shoulder, "Let's go before everyone wakes up."_

_She grins, "Well we have to wake someone." Resting a knife against the sleeping girls throat she starts whispering in her ear, "Wake up sleeping beauty. Yea, you're awake. Remember us, come find us babe." She kisses the girl on the forehead before following Kurt into the night._

_"So we have him. How are you planning to kill him? What is your big plan?"_

_St James is groaning in the corner. "Well I have been thinking. This needs to be big, we need to be scary. If we make this a big enough show everyone will fall in line." Kurt frowns and looks at her, being best friends for twelve years means he knows all about the dramatic pauses. "My Daddy taught me that animals are to be respected and we need to look out for them. He is worse than an animal. So I'm thinking BBQ."_

_Kurt doesn't know about this. It seems like it crosses a few major lines but he can't get any good reasons to stop to come out of his mouth. He is still struggling four hours later as she starts the fire. _

_"Want some?" She offers what he thinks is an arm as they sit in full view of a courtyard._

_"No, I'll keep watch on the masses." She shrugs and keeps eating._

Kurt snags a beer on the way to the interrogation room. He cracks it, takes a huge gulp, God it tastes like piss. He spits it all over the prisoner who is helpfully suspended from the ceiling by her wrists. Rachel smirks from the doorway, he guesses that she arranged this for him then. The rest of the can goes over the Major's head. Her clean skin fills him with rage, he hasn't been that clean since the riots nineteen years ago.

He slams a fist into her gut, "Sorry." Another few body shots and he feels calmer. "I have anger issues. I'm sorry." He slaps her full force and she spins a full 360. "It's your fault you know. If you just spoke to me I'm sure we could sort this."

"Where is my friend at?" He grabs he by the hips and spins her to face Rachel. Rachel smiles, her facial tattoo's are fucking creepy when she is smiling.

"My associate here is looking after, Karofsky? Was it?" He watches as the major nods. "So tell me, what is life like over the Wall?"

Silence. Kurt grinds his teeth and flutters his hand. Rachel leaves and comes back with a table of steel tools.

"Tell me now or later. I don't care. So long as Sylvester didn't send you I don't care when, because it will happen." He turns to leave with Rachel on his heels.

"Did you say Sylvester? Where is she?" This is the biggest reaction he's gotten so far.

Rachel answers for him, "We can talk more after the show."

After a huge burst of fire Kurt runs onto the stage, he has pole dancers to either side of him and a loud drum solo giving the beat. After his solo moment Rachel's dancers come grind on him. He is sick of this part of the show but makes him more of a man in the eyes of his horde. Still he slaps them extra hard when they bend over, it's their fault really. when they peel off his Cancan dancers run on.

This used to be his point of pride, but now every single one of the fuckers is fat. Kurt doesn't even understand how they managed to get fat with the restricted diets everyone has been living off for the last twenty years. Luckily this is Rachel's cue. With another burst of fire the cook truck drives into the pre stage area. She is hanging off the side preening. Kurt has to admit they kept one and a half of their pinky promises. When the truck stops he clears his throat. The mike carries his voice clearly,

"This is our city. You come here, We're gonna catch you. We're gonna cook you, AND WE'RE GONNA EAT YOU!"

The crowd is screaming and waving paper plates, he and Rachel are just basking in their adoration. Of course the promise of a mean feed totally makes people happy too. As Rachel cranks Private Karofsky down to the 'krispy' setting, Kurt turns displaying his red biohazard tat to the crowd. He spreads his arms and falls backwards onto his fans.

Rachel flicks her tongue at Karofsky as if tasting the air. She smiles and throws a match into the furnace. As the horde howls and the man cooks she and Kurt share a one armed hug. They have come a long way from the riots.

Lopez is sitting handcuffed in her room. A flap in the door opens and Rachel throws a plate through, "If you're hungry, try a piece of your friend."

**AN - I would really like to hear what you think.**


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